We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Watching her eat just hurts me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
