the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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