My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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