He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
