quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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