so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
