In the future we'll all be gay
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize