Fuck appropriateness.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
