tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
