Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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