Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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