where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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