You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
