Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
