Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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