i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
