I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
