Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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