id be glad to
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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