I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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