Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
