I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
