that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
