Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize