My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
