The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
