careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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