On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
how does that bad decision feel?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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