my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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