my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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