I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
