she woke up with a sticky ear
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
