Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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