new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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