I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
