I look better un-naked...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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