It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
