So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
