the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
