I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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