so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize