oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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