He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
