how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
