Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
