I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
