if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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