U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
