god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
