you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
