dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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