i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
