u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
