How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
