Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's always time for handjobs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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