he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
