Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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