Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
