I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if only i could text you this smell
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
