My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
