I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
