Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
