Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
