Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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