I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize