god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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