Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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