either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My bed smells like the plague
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
