the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
