I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
