Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
