I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize