omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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