K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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