the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
