dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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