I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize