I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
