Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
