I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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